In the movie Gran Turino, the gruff Korean War veteran played by Clint Eastwood is teaching a teenage boy he has befriended how to “talk like a man.” His friend the barber gives the boy an example, “Just got my brakes fixed and the guys really screwed me.”  This sounds like he’s teaching the boy to complain, but actually this is an example of “status talk.”  By complaining about the mechanic, a man signifies that he is above the mechanic, he’s angry at the mechanic—in other words, he elevates his status.

One of my good friends, a professional actor, believes that much … Read More

It’s well known that women on average live longer than men.  The current life expectancy for women in the U.S. is 81, for men it is 76.  Since these are averages of the whole population, that is a huge difference.  Science has identified some commonly accepted factors.  Testosterone, which men have more of, seems to reduce the effectiveness of the immune system as men age.  Men also have on average higher blood pressure than women, although this difference is less after age 60.  Men may be less likely to comply with medical advice—going to regular physical checkups and taking recommended medications.  And then there are lifestyle factors … Read More

My Buddhist teacher Shunryu Suzuki once wrote a calligraphy, in English, that read, “Do not say too late.”  He gave this to Yvonne, one of his main disciples, who had it on the wall in her living room for her whole life.  I saw it there for years whenever I visited her.  I’m not sure why he wrote the calligraphy, or if it had any direct relevance to something that was going on in Yvonne’s life.  Maybe she had told Suzuki about something that she felt was too late to change, and he wrote the scroll in response. But it was such an unusual … Read More

My Buddhist teacher Shunryu Suzuki like to use the phrase “Things as it is.”  Sometimes one of us students would gently correct him, thinking he didn’t understand English grammar, and say, “You know, Suzuki Roshi, in English the correct way to say that is ‘things as they are.” He would thank us and try that out, saying “Things as they are” a few times.  But it was clear this didn’t sound right to him, and soon he was back to saying “Things as it is.”  This may not have been grammatical in English, but to his ear it was correct from the standpoint … Read More

My close friend Peter has a theory about what he calls “gold nugget people.”  These are people of wisdom, people who know things—important things—who live anonymously and invisibly in their communities, known only to those who pay attention and need to know.  They are, Peter says, like gold nuggets you might find glistening in the bottom of a rushing stream—easy to miss unless you know what to look for and where to look. 

Human communities have always had gold nugget people.  Sometimes they have a role as “medicine men,” shamans, or elders; sometimes they just live their lives, watching how others live theirs … Read More

Recently I wrote an article entitled “Fear is Your Friend,” in which I explained the ways that fear, though an unpleasant emotion, is actually trying to help us by alerting us to a possible threat or danger.  In this article I want to further that discussion by using the technique called “deep mind reflection” that I developed in my most recent book Every Breath, New Chances: How to Age with Honor and Dignity.  A deep mind reflection is simple method of turning inward to invoke our faculty of intuition.  Intuition is the part of our mind that holds our wisest and most … Read More

Fear is a fundamental feature of all living beings, including us.  Our bodies are deeply wired for fear, as well they should be.  No living creature can survive for long without a threat-identification system that is quick, primitive, and powerful.  In the old days, when we were primate-like creatures foraging for food on the savannah, fear alerted us to the presence of predators or other dangers to life and limb.  Today in the modern world fear is often more abstract and indirect.  We can become afraid from something we see on TV, read on social media, or hear from friends.  Covid has made everyone afraid, even … Read More

In my book Aging as a Spiritual Practice: A Guide to Growing Older and Wiser, I propose a practice that I developed and have used myself called “The Gratitude Walk.”  Especially in these trying times, when our minds are filled with anxiety and negative thoughts, this simple practice can do wonders to lift your mood.  I recommend it especially for men, who may not be inclined, as they exercise outdoors, to use that time to improve their mood or their sensitivity to their surroundings.  

I first discovered this practice when I was recovering from a life-threatening illness, and was just beginning to … Read More

In the Buddhist tradition we have a text called the Metta Sutta, or loving kindness scripture.  In my own Buddhist teaching, I developed a short prayer based on this text, that goes like this:

May each of us be filled with loving kindness;

May each of us be free from suffering;

May each of us be happy and at peace.

This short saying seems to have resonated in the larger Buddhist world; other Buddhist groups have picked it up and are using it.  It has also been criticized, usually by people not too familiar with the Buddhist way of … Read More

It’s on everyone’s mind these days, everywhere.  It’s inescapable, it influences everything we do our say.  Few issues—not perhaps since World War II—have been so all-encompassing and potent.  The Covid pandemic, in the space of less than two years, has transformed the world, in every country and continent, in every individual human mind and family.  Even if Covid finally subsides–through the efficacy of miraculous vaccines, new anti-viral medicines, and the natural ebb and flow of the virus itself—its aftermath will reverberate for years, if not decades.  School children have lost months and years of irreplaceable educational opportunity.  Grieving families will … Read More